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Vipassana Meditation VS Martin Brossman
by Martin Brossman
What happens when your average Extroverted American
goes on his first 10 day completely silent
meditation- I mean completely silent! What they call
“Noble Silence”?! Well, I will share with you my
Noble Silence experience.
A good friend, Lee, had thought it would really
benefit me to join him on a 10 day meditation
program that he had attended for many years. When
another friend Scotty said he was also interested in
going, I decide to join them.
As it got close to the date, I started to realize
that I didn't think I had ever been quiet for more
than 4 hours my entire life, much less 10 days. The
day came and we started out early September 2, 1998 at
7AM, leaving Raleigh NC with our destination
Shelburne Falls, MA. We had a great time, and as we
drive north Lee gave us tips on how to get the most
out of our experience.
He began by stating, “When you get there you may
find that you are very tired, so let yourself take
more naps during the breaks. This type of mediation
was supposed to be the style taught by Buddha to the
common man and taught in its original form. I
jokingly commented, “Wait a second, you mean we are
getting the PO-mans meditation course?” He laughed
and continued by stating “we can only talk until
after the first meeting in the evening and then we
are to become completely silent for the next full 9
days. On day 10 we will be allowed to speak between
breaks and during meals.” Lee pointed out that there
is a lot of strong energy at this site and that any
unresolved issues you had may surface to your
consciousness.” He also said, “These issues may
manifest themselves as unique challenges and
distractions to your meditation. Part of the process
was to use these challenges to deepen our
meditation.” I turned to Scotty, feeling a bit
nervous, and said, “Have you done anything like this
before?” He looked the way I felt, and said,” No,
never, this is intense”.
We arrived at the place about 5PM on September 3rd,
filled out some paper work and were shown to our
sleeping area. It was a single wooden bed with only
a skimpy foam mattress and a sheet. The room was
about 8 ft wide by 12 feet long, bare wooden walls
and a cold metal chair to sit on. We had some time
before dinner, and for some reason I felt extremely
tired, unpacked and laid down. The minute I closed
my eyes, I started having very intense and realistic
dreams about things I thought I had forgotten about
years ago. A bell rang, (I assume the dinner bell),
I woke slightly distressed by the extreme dreams and
went to dinner, which was all excellent vegetarian
food. Afterward we gathered in the meditation hall,
a large dimly lit room about the size of a full size
tennis court. The room was filled with the one-meter
square mats, about two feet apart and a platform at
the front holding two more mats. On either side of
the front platform were two large TV’s and a pair of
speakers. The course was taught by the founder of
the center using audio and videotape. We were to
choose a place to sit on a mat and remain there the
entire time. The men sat on the left side and the
women on the right. There were two people at the
front, a man and women sitting on pillows on a
platform. As a strange song or chant came from the
speakers an older man, in very broken English, began
giving us instruction. The entire process was
designed to get us to tuning our attention inward.
Following the meditation process, we allow
impurities in our mind to bubble up and out of our
system. Next, he told us that we would start our
first mediation by observing our breath and continue
for an hour straight without a break.
After what I was convinced was an hour, I sneaked a
peek at my watch. Only
15 minutes had passed, but I just had to move. I
could not sit (and never have been able to) on the
mat in one position, for one hour. First my feet
were under me, then crossed, then to the side, then
ahead (which we were told was something we should
never do, so I curved my toes in to attempt to
adapt. ) By the afternoon the instructor must have
been tired of watching me squirm from the front of
the room. The assistant politely came up to me and
said that it would be ok if I wanted to sit in a
chair in the back of the room.
They rang a bell to notify us when it was time to
eat or meditate. I thought after the second day
things would improve, but they didn’t. First I
seemed to be getting a cold or some allergic
reaction and kept sneezing. The harder
I tried to not sneeze, the louder the sneezes got.
Finally during one sit I got up and went out of the
room, soon to be followed by the assistant who told me
that I it was “best” that I stay in the room the
entire time. I tried to explain that I was concerned
that I was disturbing other people, but he said that
that was part of the process. So Mr. Sneeze went
back into the room. I thought if I could get through
today that things would improve. Could I have been
so lucky? Well, the food was wonderful but for some
reason it did not go well with my digestive system.
I wondered if Buddha had to deal with these types of
problems? Maybe that was why he went outside alone
and sat under a tree? The more I tried to hold it
in, the more explosive it became for me. Finally I
left the room but sure enough the little assistant
followed me and instructed me that I should stay in
the room. I tried to explain, but he repeated that
this is all part of the process and I should go back
in. So with my sneezing and venting, I returned to
my chair and continued following the meditation
process between personal expressions.
After about day 5 I was determined I needed to just
leave, but realized that I couldn’t because it was
my car that brought us here. Was I going to let
these god-given bodily expressions keep me from
nirvana, NO! So I began to walk and sleep as much a
possible during the breaks, as well as take large
amounts of vitamin C. Finally Things got a little
better, until day 7. This was the most unexpected
and worse. The next demon that I was about to face
was humor, yes humor. My mind began to make a joke
out of everything. I began to think up statements
that we would never be said here like: “And this
would be a good pick up line too” or him breaking
into a song “Guru with the blue dress, blue dress,
blue dress, guru with the blue dress on” or (every
day when he began his evening talks he would start
with saying that today was a very important day)
“Day 7, not so important a day but we thought 9 days
would not sell as well as 10”or “You can use this
technique at home too, for example, your are in bed
with your wife, you have gas, she becomes unsettled,
you say to her, “As Buddha says, this will pass
too!, it works, you will see!”
Then the questions came, questions that were
probably best not to ask when we had a chance to
speak on the day 10. Questions like “How do you tell
the difference from the chronically depressed and
those near nirvana?” or “If I become an advance meditator am I going to have to wear a table cloth as
a dress, walk real slow, and stare at the ground a
lot?” or “Hey, this whole week was all so swell why
don’t we all pitch in and buy the old guy some
singing and English lessons?” I was convinced that
they were going to throw me out, because I could not
stop laughing. Friday night on the 9th day it
climaxed. The guru on the video decided to sing to
us, partly in broken English, about sending love out
into the world. It was awful and it went on and on.
I started to develop this Monty Python skit in my
mind of meditators jumping off a cliff like lemmings.
Trying to get away from these awful sounding, chants
about love and peace. At this time, if you were the
lead instructor in the front of the room and opened
your eyes slightly you would have seen me in the
back of the room curled up in a ball, with a
meditation pillow over my head, biting my hand and
painfully shaking in laughter. I found if I put my
fingers in my ears and concentrated very hard on the
meditation technique, I could keep it together until
the break.
I actually made it to day 10, and when we broke
silence I found many people wanted to meet me. One
guy came up to me and said, “Who the hell are you
and why are you here?” He had thought I was some
street person that had just spent the last ten days
drinking and eating free meals. He could not figure
why they did not throw me out. After I explained my
experience and the hell I was going through, he was
amused by the difference between his impression of
me and reality. Then a guy sitting right next to him
said that because of my clear determination and
courage to stay here, he knew that he could also
make it through the 10 days. As I talked to other
people I found they all had unique and strong
impressions made up about me.
What I got out of this 10 days is a true-life
experience to walk the path of devout Buddhists Monks,
and deep compassion and respect for people who choose
to walk that path. I also discovered how powerful
laughter is, and how laughter can be used to actually
hide from your issues as well and be a profound tool
for healing.
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