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Networking as a Contribution ©2004
By Martin Brossman
(and input from 12 gifted networkers)
The real mission
It’s been refreshing to see the field of sales
evolve beyond the pushy stereotype of “yes at any
cost” to today’s intelligent vendor-client
relationships that thrive long-term. It seems to
me that networking, a necessary component of the
business scene, has been experiencing a similar
transformation of mission. What percent of us, I
wonder, conscientiously attending networking
breakfasts, luncheons, after-hours and the like, or
courageously handing out cards and brochures to
anyone within arms length, are catching the new
unwritten dynamic which makes networking an
expressway to success for some, and a rough path to
nowhere for others. As a Life and Business Coach, I
admit I’ve had the advantage of knowing how to meet
and get to know potential clients, yet even so, it
took time for me to appreciate the complex
choreography of human relationship that happens at
every networking event, from one-on-one for coffee
to the city-wide Expo. What I began to see was that networkers with a “what’s in it for me” mindset were
failing, and those with a generous “I’m here to
help” approach were succeeding. This simple analysis
brought me to a definitive “aha” and I’m bursting to
share with you what real networking is (and what
it’s not).
Here it is. “Networking as a contribution” is not
about getting business or a job. It’s not selling
your product, and it’s not even doing unto others as
you would have them do unto you. Real
networking is a contribution to society. It is
about inspiring yourself and others to be the best
contributor to society one can be, which includes
providing the best possible products and services.
Such networking is accomplished with great people
who are the best in their field, and it’s done in a
way that inspires you to do the same. This is a
skill that generally takes time to develop, coming
naturally to very few of us. You can definitely
learn it. Go at a pace that works for you, breaking
it down into stages so that the process will stretch
you but won’t break you. As you read on, note that
I have chosen to illustrate positive and negative
examples of networking by creating some
humorously-named characters to represent the
composite experience of actual people.
The common misperception
The inspiration for this article originated after
observing my friend, Jeff Killjobs, experience his
first lay-off due to downsizing in the corporation
where we met. I watched Jeff lose his job, then his
house, and then repeatedly get turned down for job
after job in the course of a year. I was concerned
his family would be the next thing he would lose. I
encouraged him to become involved in many valuable
networking events, offering to take him with me, but
he always came up with excuses of personal crises or
the importance of being at every one of his son’s
soccer games. While I have the utmost admiration
and respect for parents to be there for their
children, I could also see his financial situation
gradually worsening.
My point? Jeff Killjobs was too bright and talented
to be unemployed so long. It just didn’t add up to
me that he was not finding a job. As my last
attempt, I offered him a scholarship to attend my
“Becoming Recession Proof” course. He turned me
down for another soccer game. Obviously my messages
to Jeff were not getting through, and it was
becoming deeply painful to witness a friend going
down hill. My intuition told me he was just sending
his resume out over the Internet, meanwhile walking
around wearing an invisible sign on his forehead
which read “Someone Hire Me.” I couldn’t help
envisioning Jeff in the not too distant future,
clutching his son’s soccer ball, looking for a cozy
bridge to live under. Finally I confronted him
about his seeming lack of motivation, to which he
responded, “I just want somebody to give me t a job
so I can make a difference.” The point Jeff missed
was that he could have been making a difference all
along through his own initiative in networking, and
the best time to start would have been while he was
employed.
What makes it work
Real networking is based on the reality of caring
about other people, and is achieved by actively
referring good people to other good people. It is
not about who I can “get” to buy my product and it
is not about “helping your selected cronies”
regardless of the quality of their work. I have
found that real networking creates long-term
referrals and clients. It is based on asking this
one question: “How can I help this person I have
just met?” With real networking, you know that when
you refer someone, YOUR name goes with the referral
(more about this later). You will also notice that
you’re more apt to help someone who has helped you.
Now let’s look more closely at what makes a real
networker hum, what’s makes them so memorable and
effective. To emphasize their greatness, I like to
call them “Super Hero Networkers.”
Ten core behaviors of the “Super Hero Networker.”
1) Comes from contribution
A Super-Hero Networker comes from the perspective
of ‘how can I help great people meet and connect
with other great people?’ (Keep in mind, they view
themselves as one of these great people, i.e., sincere and confident in their abilities.)
Super-Hero Networkers are always looking for
opportunities to network. I coached Mia Shy, who
worked in property management, to strengthen her
"networking muscle." She came back to our next
session excited to share how the coaching had
worked. Mia had been in Dillards and overheard a
woman in line complaining to her friend about all of
the junk e-mail she was receiving in her personal
e-mail account, asking her friend if she knew a
solution. Her friend replied she had no idea, but
admitted she was having the same problem. Mia
overcame her normal hesitancy and joined their
conversation, telling them about a website she had
just found for $20 every six months that blocked
junk e-mail; Mia simply asked her if she would like
the website info. The woman said “sure,” and Mia
wrote the address on the back of her business card.
They talked a bit more, and then the woman noticed
the front of Mia’s business card. She said she had
a friend who was moving to the area who would be
needing a house to rent, and that she would be glad
to pass Mia’s name on to her.
2) Builds lasting relationships and
nurturing those relationships
Aware that long-term clients and relationships can
take time to develop, the Super Networker knows the
investment of time creates payoff that lasts. A
counter example illustrates this point. I met Dr. Myway at a Chamber of Commerce after-hours. He
invited me to meet with him at a local coffee shop
one morning. He wanted to discuss the
Internet-based business he was involved in, plainly
wanting me to encourage my friends to buy his
products with a resulting commission to me. His idea
of networking with me was nothing more than
shameless selling of his products with absolutely no
effort to know who I was or how we could help each
other. Do you think I was inspired to do business
with him or refer him to someone else? A firm and
enduring NO.
He could have made a little effort of finding out
something about me and turned the meeting into a
true win-win relationship.
Building lasting relationships also involves
nurturing those relationships. Staying in touch,
catching them when they succeed and consoling them
when they don't.
3) Seeks opportunities to connect and honors
connections
Few of us are naturals at this. The Super-powered
understand the committed effort it takes to think
about others when meeting new people, and how the
networking muscle takes time to develop fully.
You’ll notice them carrying a palm pilot or a book
of business cards that lists all of the “good
people.” With this readiness they can refer someone
with the name, number, and business right on the
spot--or if they meet a good referral resource, they
record it ASAP. Realizing that their reputation goes
with referrals, they may say "use my name" to help
you when you contact the other person. Others may
want to give themselves more time to think through
the referrals thoroughly, making contact with you
later.
So, can there be consequences if we ignore the
contribution of networking? I personally believe
there is a strong connection. For example, over a
period of about one year, I referred about 20 people
to a very gifted massage therapist, Judy
Responseless. Judy and I were good friends and had
good rapport. Later I asked her why she had never
referred any of her clients back to me. She
replied, “I just don’t think about it when I’m
working with clients.” Some months later, Judy
complained to me that her client load recently
seemed to be diminishing, and she was worried about
losing more clients. The moral: If we do not
invest the time in referring others, why should
someone else refer us?
Also, the Super-Networker takes the the idea
honoring connections to a new level. They truly
realize that that relates to all interactions.
How they treat the 'annoying' telemarketer, how they
respond to people that are soliciting them, how the
interact to those close to them has a connection to
the caliber of people and customers in their life.
4) Pursues feedback
The Super-Hero Networker knows his name goes with
his referrals. (It lets the recipient know how
well-tested this referral is, in an honest but
positive way). Everyone would like to have feedback
from the person or business they have referred.
There are a variety of ways to encourage feedback,
depending on how well you know the person. Here’s a
sample referral technique for someone you’ve known a
short time, whose services you haven’t used, like
Scott Newcomer, a likeable guy who does home
remodeling, To refer someone to Scott, simply say:
“Here’s Scott’s number, if you want to give him a
call. I have never actually used him, but have a
good impression of him. Let me know how Scott’s
service is so I will know if I should refer him
again.”
5) Cultivates clarity & openness
One of the greatest contributions you can make to
another person is to allow them to contribute to
you. When Networking Heroes get a referral,
suggestion, or even criticism, they consider it a
contribution. When receiving a referral or related
feedback, they don’t downplay their own importance
or responsibility, choosing instead to deeply thank
whoever is contributing to them. It’s a key element
in their repertoire of R-Powers. Too, they are
aware that communicating clearly what a good
customer looks like for them can open the referral
door much wider. They learn to explain what they do
and what their business is about in words that the
specific person in front of them can understand.
A perfect example occurred with Jenny Jargon, a
Data Security Analyst who came to me for coaching in
looking for work. I noticed she was masterful at
speaking the language of her field, though perhaps a
little too masterful for the average person. I
suggested she try explaining what she did so that
even Bob the Wal-Mart Greeter could understand her
skills and what kind of job she was seeking.
(Nothing against actual Wal-Mart Greeters
everywhere; Bob at my neighborhood store is actually
a great retired guy with three grandkids). The following week at church,
Jenny tried this new method of “speaking to her
audience.” She found herself talking with a sweet
little widowed woman to whom she had previously
mentioned she was looking for a job as a Data
Security Analyst. This time she told her again in
“Greeter” language, with a most surprising result.
The woman replied, “Why didn’t you say that
before? My son is a manager of a company that
protects computers from bad things happening to
them, and he needs to hire someone to help him.
I’ll get you in touch with him tomorrow.”
8) Looks on all interactions as opportunities to
help
Every encounter with another person may be a
networking opportunity, especially when they are in
the role of a consumer. In addition, the person that
you receive great service from, someone you’ve
heard does great work, or even the person
you purchase from--can be a possible referral.
Every interaction you have can create a positive or
negative impression. An acquaintance named John
Overboard had a style of networking that was
alienating others. He would show great interest in
buying someone’s product, then avoid contact with
the seller, never telling them he had changed his
mind. He was developing a reputation for this.
Someone even confronted him and said, "Look, are you
interested or not?” He said, "Oh I am, I’m just very
busy.” Other people would ask me, “What’s up with
John? He seemed so interested in my product at
first…” Wouldn't you be hesitant to refer clients to
John? Noticing the pattern, I encouraged John to
say ‘no’ when he meant no, and ‘yes’ when he meant
yes. Super-Hero Networkers work hard to be
conscious of how they show up in all interactions.
9) Strives for quality of connections vs.
quantity
If our Super Hero had a maxim it might be: It is
better to meet a few people well than 20 people
superficially. Instead of trying to meet as many
people as possible. Super Networkers spend
sufficient
time to know something specific about the person
they just met. People notice
superficiality immediately. The room floater
fortunately is quickly assessed as shallow,
reflecting badly on his product or capability. The
right and effective way to develop a quality
relationship is having an honest and sincere desire
to engage and get to know other’s interests and
concerns. Pace yourself, give yourself enough time
for you to know people and for them to know you, and
you may be surprised how many people you really
meet.
10) Honors the letter and intention of the word
All the networking in the world is worthless if one
does not deliver a product or service that he or she
believes in, with integrity. Integrity is at the
core, you do what you say you are going to do.
Super-Hero Networkers only sell the products or
provide the services worthy of their word. If the
product or service degrades the Super-Hero Networker,
they take action to correct the problem or find
another product or service to support.
Ask yourself these questions to monitor your
progress toward Super Hero status
(I have found them useful for myself):
Do you know the top people who have referred people
to you and are you in contact with them on an
ongoing basis, calling them with no agenda?
Do you seek opportunities to help good people
connect to other good people?
Do you keep the intent and letter of your word (do
what you say you are going to do)?
Are you clear on the best products or services you
have to offer the next person you meet?
Can you communicate what you do in a way that they
understand?
Do you recognize and graciously accept
acknowledgment from good referrals?
Reflections on the larger network
Imagine what this world would be like if we really
focused on networking to connect to the best people,
and, in the process, inspired them to keep being
their best, allowing them to do the same for us?
People often complain about non-reputable businesses
succeeding. You can change this by helping the best
businesses succeed, by becoming your own version of
a Super-hero Networker. What is your edge? What
is the area in networking in which you are great, an
area you can embrace and improve?
To
paraphrase words of wisdom from an unknown source: A
famous person leaves you impressed with how powerful
he is. A great person leaves you with the gift of
how powerful you are! May all the people you network
with walk away from you with more of the gift that
they are, and you will never be forgotten.
Special thanks to the following recommended great
Networkers
who reviewed this article. These people
were chosen by recommendation only. I also want to
thank all the other great networkers not mentioned
here.
(All from the Research Triangle Park, NC area)
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Name |
Company |
Number |
E-mail |
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Paul Alexander |
Home Improvement Consultants, Inc. |
919-387-5887 |
llalexander@mindspring.com |
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Bob De Contreras |
Nib Consulting |
919-280-1307 |
bdecontreras@nc.rr.com |
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Gary Greene |
Greene Resources |
919-862-8602 |
Gary@greeneresources.com |
|
Jim Joyce |
Sales Training, Inc. |
919-468-4288 |
jpjoyce@salestraininginc.com |
|
Frank Krebs |
dualboot Consulting |
919-412-2550 |
fkrebs@dualbootconsulting.com |
|
Sheyenne Kreamer |
Solutions NC |
919-266-0954 |
sheyennek@yahoo.com |
|
James J. Pappalardo |
Lynch & Howard, PA |
919-217-3052 |
jpappalardo@lhcpa.com |
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Dayle K. Quarfot |
PrimePay |
919-876-0500 |
dquarfot@primepay.com |
|
Jo Smith |
NC Wellness Homes |
919-302-4493 |
jo@ncwellnesshomes.com |
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Rusty Tolin |
ADT security systems |
919-369-6127 |
rstolin@msn.com |
|
Sharon Wolfe |
Novel-TS |
919-481-1082 |
SWolfePromos@nc.rr.com |
|
Kelly Wolf |
BTI |
919-863-7000 |
kelley.wolf@btitele.com |
Martin Brossman is a Life / Business Coach He can be
reached at:
(919) 847-4757 or e-mail:
Martin@CoachingSupport.com . Editor of this
article Liz Futrell is available for freelance
writing / editing and can be reached at: (919)
622-7232 or email:
lizfutrell225@yahoo.com .
"Networking as a Contribution"
© 2003 CoachingSupport.com
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